I don’t know about everyone else, but I can find meaning in anything given time. I’m the kind of guy who often reads too much into a situation. He must be mad at me because he didn’t reply to my Facebook even invite. She’s totally into me, she smiled at me twice! This seems to be a quick trigger response that I’ve grown to rationally question myself afterwards to sift for any validity.
As I’ve matured, I realize most of the time I skew what I see in a way that fits what I’m desiring or expecting. I’m all for praying for knowing God’s will. I hope for discernment to be able to make good steps. But I regularly meditate just long enough to feel good about the decision I know I already want to make. I like the phrase my pastor likes to use, “I want patience, and I want it now!” But what exactly does knowing I’m going to seek self gain mean for me?
For starters, I can rest a little easier knowing that every little thing doesn’t have to be so heavy. Probably most importantly I know to press on and seek God out in the middle of what I’m in. I feel like my growth is usually found in the in between. Learning to quietly wait on God, serving faithfully in the meantime, isn’t a passive decision. It’s in that where I take faithful steps, proofing what I see, hear, and feel by what scripture says. God speaks in many different ways. I am sure that I’ve heard Him speak to me on a few occasions. But it’s rarely something I can feel sure in when it doesn’t challenge me. If it’s leading me towards something I already hope for, it may just be my own inclination. I’m glad that God wants more for me than just to serve my desires.