Place and time.

Tonight, I felt the weight of a realization. It was heavy enough to crush me. Yet, it carried me to a place of freedom. Over the past year, I’ve been torn down to a place of emotional exhaustion. Days where I felt emotionally, spiritually, and often even physically well seemed to be so few that I wasn’t sure which way was up. In the past several months, I’ve experienced a great deal of healing over the loss of my marriage and the only romantic love I’d ever known. Still, finding times where I would awaken, waiting for things to be like I once knew them to be, I felt the loss sharply often. The wandering of my gaze while surrounded by good company so as to not meet their friendly eyes with my pain became a burden I adapted to. Still, I am well. I am seeing myself in a new light, but also seeing a new me. The loss is something will always carry, but I turn my focus on where I need to be now. As I left church tonight, my mind was flooded with the thought that I wouldn’t be there if not for this loss. I wouldn’t have come to Christ without this loss. I was entirely too sure of my direction. Or at least sure that I could navigate on my own. I would be missing out on this great opportunity to serve with people I love in a growing body of Christ. I drove off with that thought and a lighter heart. I am where I need to be.

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